THIS IS HOW WE DO IT (best guess)
A lot of people ask me for advice. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I’m really really wise for one so young, or because I’m charismatic and centred. Maybe it’s because I ask a lot of very personal questions followed by long pauses, it’s hard to say. Either way I spend a lot of time discussing and improving situations in other people’s lives. It’s just the guy that I am. Is it hard? YES. Do I have to put others before myself? YES But do I resent it? YES
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve thought:
‘I wish all the people I care about would solve their own problems and leave me alone, because helping with other people’s shit is definitely the main reason I’m not living in New York, crushing movies like Woody Allen was at my age.”
Can you imagine how long it takes to think all that? That’s a 49 second thought…minimum. The thought alone wastes nearly a minute of my day.
If I don’t get control of this advice situation I’m in danger of ending up a good friend/husband/father for the rest of my life. The solution: PRE-EMPTIVE ADVICE.
I’m going to offer help BEFORE you make the mistakes in the form of this blogg. You’ll find advice and explanations about many different situations in your life. You follow that advice and you’re going to start winning at life in exactly the kind of way you/I always dreamed.
Now I can hear some of you guys out there saying:
“Hey Fogg, why should we listen to you? You’re just a great looking guy with a ton of charisma and a rich classic car (1991 Mercedes 420SEL)”
and to those people I say “thank you, you’re right to be sceptical but also shut the fuck up and start taking notes because I’m the real deal.”
Here are a few simple reasons why most* of the things I say are right:
1: I Own a house:
That’s right peer group! Did I get in on the ground floor of housing market? No! I got in on the lower ground floor. Freeholder since ‘97. I own land. Anytime I feel like digging a hole there is nothing the Queen can do to stop me. Respect that.
2: I’m the Boss
I run my own business. I get up at 12, I work naked and I encourage co workers to join me. I’ve hardly given out any business cards and I still do business. I’m the green shoot of recovery in person. I live money.
3: I wear sunglasses indoors.
It’s darker AND cooler. DEAL WITH IT.
4: Some women find me attractive.
Some women find me attractive and some don’t. I find it hard to tell when it’s happening. So I act like it’s always happening. This way I miss out on zero girls that find me attractive, and I get a chance to explain to the remaining 2% why they’re wrong.
5: My circle of friends is perfectly racially balanced
Like a Benetton advert set in the UN headquarters. I just added a Chinese guy and now the set is complete. When we’re together we can say inappropriate things about anyone and it’s always OK. You would love to be a part of that.
6: I care about you:
I can’t help it. I don’t actually want to feel this way (because I don’t want to risk get hurt again) but I can’t help it. I want the best for you…you deserve it because you’re strong.
7: I look good. I smell good. I taste good. = I am good.
You’ve heard of peacocking? Well Peacocks us the term ‘Fogging.’ Deal DONE.
Additional reasons include:
I’m always right, I like animals, I have a good relationship with my parents despite questionable life choices, I invented the phrase ‘I call lunch.’ I don’t ski, awesome glasses/Sexual abilities.
I can help you live your dream, as long as your dreams involve ending up like me…and let’s face it why wouldn’t they? Look at me. (I’m the guy in the vest at the top of the page…yeah…awesome right?). So get ready to get pre-emptively advised**
Lubricate yourself the internet…this is what you were created for.
**DISCLAIMER: In no way should you listen to me (but at the same time, you should really listen to me.)