2011: come for the cashew nuts stay for the crippling inactivity
Xmas is over…War is not. Lennon was incorrect (or inverted…like goose and Maverick in Top Gun.)
But what’s this? Who’s that? 2011 is here, too mop my brow, hold back my hair and tell me everything’s going to be alright; at least the idealist in me wants to believe that…frankly I don’t care what he wants…in fact I’d rather he wasn’t in me…it chafes.
The xmas break has afforded me some valuable thinking time. Conclusions reached:
1: I need a larger television
2: I need more casual sex
3: I need more formal sex
4: Clearly, I find the prospect of success terrifying, or else surely I would have achieved something by the age of 31…at the very least I thought I’d own my own shoes.
A lot of these mind-jewels were uncovered while completing my 2009-10 tax return. I found out I earned £22,000 last year. That’s right £22,000. That’s a wage, people. Here is a rough outline of my thoughts upon realising i’d reached this landmark:
“BLAM!”
“Other human beings earn that amount of money,”
“What I do every day counts as a Job.”
“In your face marlborough college careers department…you CAN just be Benjamin Fogg professionally.”
“I want it thaaaat way” (i was listening to the backstreet boys greatest hits as I thought this through…check it out…I mean it.)
I then took an afternoon shower and watched 4.5 hours of the american office. Later thoughts included:
“I wonder how much a lifeguard earns”
“Why am I crying?”
“Breaking it down reasonably, if I take the hourly rate I made writing that book for those guys and seventeen more of those jobs come up this year then I could probably clear £175,000 by March…”
“£26,000? for standing near water!?”
“Show me the meaning of being lonely” (it’s really quite a long album and packed with hits)
“I wonder how many vitamin c counts as an overdose”
“Oh fuck it this is the life I chose…”
“BLAM”
So there we go it looks like another 358 days of being me for a living has been mentally squared away…Get ready people, 2011 is my year I’m about to be all I can be and more.
stay hungry
(please not that ‘all i can be’ in this context may mean anything up to and including ‘three eights of what I can be’ in real terms.)